Wednesday, February 15

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. [Emily Brontë]

I am very unromantically late on this post, but in honor of our newlywed Valentine's Day, here it is...

Kyle and I are different in many, many ways. We appreciate the differences in each other, but they are most certainly there. I'm short, he's tall. I'm spend much of my time off in fantasy land, he is grounded in stone-cold pragmatism. I cheer for the Steelers, he cheers for the Cowboys. I avoid confrontation like the plague, he... well, if he doesn't seek it out actively, he certainly doesn't shy away from it. I like Celtic and folk music, he likes R & B. I'm readin' and writin,' he's 'rithmetic. (It also sounds like I'm a weirdo and he's a normal guy...)

But a few things draw us closer together and make married life very harmonious. A shared love of dogs and spicy food. A mutually, shall we say, relaxed approach to housekeeping. And most of all, a recognition that no matter what differences skim the surface, we're made of the same stuff underneath.

It was our 9-month wedding anniversary yesterday (ha!) If our marriage was a pregnancy, we'd be full term. It feels simultaneously like we've been married for a long while, and as if time has flown by. I might have written about this in an earlier post, and I'm sure I'll repeat it again on May 14, 2012... but I've always heard the first year of marriage is the hardest, and with three months left to go, I still don't have the foggiest idea why. It's fun!

There are bumps and scrapes and big huffy sighs along the way, no doubt. Marriage is not perfect, just as single life isn't perfect, just as parenthood isn't perfect, just as home ownership isn't perfect -- just as life isn't perfect. But these past nine months have honestly been the very best of my decidedly imperfect life. I've always been a happy person, but the happiness has at least doubled, and quite possibly grown exponentially, by having Kyle to share it with.

I think about marriage and relationships all the time, because I find them so fascinating. I believe most people would agree that life is worth living because of love -- for our spouses, our families, our dogs, our friends.

So what makes people click? What draws them together, and then sticks them there for life? Putting aside all the other trappings of weddings and marriages -- the solemn vow, the marriage certificate, the honeymoon, the rings, the thrill of using the word "husband" (should I be over that yet? Because I'm not) -- I think it is much, much more the everyday interactions that keep love alive.

It's little jokes and surprise shoulder rubs. It's knowing when to share your plate of nachos, and being secure enough in your love to pull them away when you want all the rest for yourself. It's forgiving the other person for hoarding the nachos. It's bargaining about who will take the dogs out and feed them, and bartering with promises of laundry and dishes. It is absolutely mundane stuff that feels like fun because... well, I don't really know why.

Because he makes me laugh all the time. Because we are nothing if not fair, and all our "hard work" evens out in the end. Because, as Colin Firth would say to Bridget Jones, we like each other, just the way we are.

This used to draw a big, fat eye-roll from me, but I think I now understand what people mean when they use the word "soulmate." It isn't someone who is 100% like you. It's not someone who you get along with 100% of the time.

It's someone who is made of the same stuff underneath, who understands you better than you sometimes understand yourself, who tugs on your heart and settles into that mysterious thing called a soul so comfortably and completely, it seems unbelievable that they were ever missing.

So as a last teensy surprise, happy, happy belated Valentine's Day, Mr. Stevenson. It wouldn't really be a wish from me if it came on time, would it?


  1. Super cute. Sounds like you guys balance each other perfectly. I will say though that our first year of marriage was admittedly tough, but I think your life circumstances at the time make all the difference--I had a job I hated, Tom had no permanent job at all, we lived 7 hours from family and friends and to top it all off, we had the pleasure of acquiring 2 car payments, a mortgage and finding out we had a surprise baby on the way. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger :)

  2. That's a really great point. We've admittedly had a pretty cushy first year -- he already bought a house a few years ago, we traded in our two old cars to share a new one, we have jobs we enjoy, family and friends are close by, and our two "babies" were cheap, crated non-surprises, haha. Handling all that at once sounds incredibly stressful, whether or not you're with your soulmate -- kudos to you and Tom ;)

  3. Also, I can't type or say "soulmate" without thinking of Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite.

  4. I totally believe that the first year is the hardest, but not in the way that everyone says. My husband and I went through hell in our first three months of marriage and our relationship became stronger for it.

    I doubt I'll ever get tired of using the word "husband" it's so natural to say.

    Happy Valentine's Day and happy 9 month-iversary to you!