Wednesday, January 23

Roll Up, Roll Up for the Misery Tour. Wait, No, Mystery.

We had our hospital tour last weekend.

It was great and very informative, and I'm really happy we're delivering where we are. I did consider a midwife center, but this being our first rodeo, I wasn't sure about that idea and Kyle was definitely not comfortable being away from an ER/OR. So yes, a-hospitaling we will go.

We joined about ten other couples in the waiting area, and I noted the fantastic selection of goodies in the vending machines. Then we all shuffled in the wake of the weirdest nurse of all time, who had many a tale to tell about dads sleeping in the buff in recovery rooms (Okay? Be sure that Kyle packs some pants.) Toward the beginning, she asked if anyone had any questions yet.

If you know me (Hermione Granger), you know my hand was all up in her face. Who's shy in front of a group? Not this lady. I figured everyone else might be wondering the same things too...

Things like:

  • Is an IV mandatory, even in the beginning? Sadly, yes. 
  • Do you have the option of intermittent fetal monitoring? Yes, but once your water breaks, you're pretty much confined to bed, because we don't want you delivering your little one into the toilet. (Bummer, I was hoping for a water birth...)
  • Wait, so does that mean you need a catheter? No, we have bed pans.


I swear to God there is no dignity in this process (even less so since I'm sharing it with the internet). But suffice it to say that I'm going to stay at home as long as I can stand it. We're literally ten minutes away from the hospital. I'd rather scare my dogs and husband with my tortured shrieking, or something like that, than go sit with an IV in my hand and a bed pan at my side for hours and hours. No thank you.

Unless, of course, it's totally unbearable and I abandon all sense of pride, which Kyle seems pretty convinced I'm going to do. Listen here, I might be tougher than I look. (Then again, I might not be).

Honestly, I'm not scared of labor and delivery. I know it's going to hurt like the dickens. A lot of stuff can go not-according-to-plan/wrong. It's apparently the most painful thing a human can experience (okay, I have my doubts about that one... really?  What about, like, acid burns or those torture scenes from 24? I'm pretty sure things can get worse). But yep, no. Not afraid, for once (perhaps I'm in denial).

We have our childbirth class over Valentine's Day weekend, because nothing says romance like a detailed discussion of this whole messy process. Also, we are less than 50 days away from our due date.


PS -- I don't know what you see in my right sidebar, but it looks like Liberator Medical and other urology equipment suppliers now thinks my blog is a prime spot for advertising ;)

1 comment:

  1. Don't worry, your sidebar was a cute puppy, ASPCA ad today.